Turn to You
by The Little Monster 1024
Summary: After and argument with his mother, he seeks answers from the other Sharon in his life.


**Turn to You**

 **AN** : So, I should really be working on the next chapter of Brotherly Live but due to a really, really stressful day, this was born.

A moment of sadness and betrayal in which Rusty seeks out answers from Sharon.

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When he shut the door to the condo, his hands were still shaking. He could feel his heartbeat in his ears and his chest felt tight. It hurt to swallow.

He could hear his mother's words playing back in his head, only louder this time. The voice was so loud.

Throughout one's life, everyone is going to hear hurtful words about themselves, are going to have some form of hate spat at them. Most of the time, one can overlook it. But there are times when it just cuts too deep, when you feel like you've been cut in half.

He had gotten in fights in school, had lived in abusive foster homes; Rusty had lived with his mother's boyfriends that threw emotional abuse about as much as their fists. He'd heard people say awful things to him.

But never his mother.

At least, not in the way she had not that long ago. They had fought before, but she'd never said anything that had shook him so much.

There is something so hard about hearing your mother say awful things about you. A bully can say something that can easily be shaken off. But to hear your own mother say the same thing?

Parents aren't supposed to bully their children.

You hear all over the place- in movies and television, read in books- mothers are supposed to be the fierce defenders of their children. He'd seen in countless shows, the heroics and the hurdles mothers would jump for their children. Of course, Sharon Beck hadn't been much of a physical defender of her son, but that didn't mean her words stung any less.

He made his way over to the couch, dropping his bag to the floor in the process. Sinking down, he felt his stomach twist in the same way it had since he left the rehab facility. Leaning forward, his elbows on his knees, he buried his head in his hands.

He sat there for a few minutes maybe, he really wasn't sure. He wanted to cry or hit something, but it felt like his whole body hurt. He was so drained, so exhausted that the thought of moving was unbearable.

"Rusty?" Came Sharon's voice, soft and concerned.

He sniffled a little and took a deep breath before lifting his head to look at her.

She didn't say anything, just stepped farther into the room and settling down into the chair next to the couch.

The words spilled out before he had a chance to stop himself. "Why do I still love her, Sharon?" He asked. He was sure that his voice sounded pathetic.

She looked at him for a moment before leaning closer. "Because she's your mother." She said, her voice still soft.

"Mothers aren't supposed to…say things that hurt their kids. You wouldn't say those things to Ricky or Emily."

 _Or me_.

When Sharon didn't say anything, only watched him, he went on. "I just don't understand why I don't hate her."

"Because she's your mother." Sharon repeated. "And despite all of this, you know she loves you too."

Rusty looked at her.

"Her love for you doesn't make this okay. It doesn't change the situation she put you in or the things she might have said today. Right now, your mother isn't strong enough to beat her addiction."

"Or maybe she's just picking it over me." Rusty muttered.

Sharon sat back in her chair a little. "Let's use Jack as an example here." She said. "When he left and all those years he was gone, he wasn't strong enough and wasn't willing to beat his addiction. Now, he still struggles with it. He's done things to hurt me and our children in the past, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love Ricky and Emily. I know he does."

Rusty nodded a little in agreement. No matter what he thought of Jack, he knew Jack loved his kids…in his own way.

"I also know they love him. They don't have to pretend like he hasn't hurt them or just forget about the things he's done, but they still love him."

"You don't." Rusty said quietly.

"I don't." She agreed. "But there's a…fondness that will always be there. I was in love with him once and he is the father of my children."

Rusty nodded again and Sharon went on.

"Do you understand?"

"I do." He didn't. Not really. But he understood that he loved his mother and that it was okay to do so.

It didn't make the hurt go away. It didn't make the echo of his mother's hateful words disappear from his thoughts, but at least they weren't shouting anymore. He wasn't shaking as much and his stomach felt fairly normal.

As Sharon patted his shoulder and walked into the kitchen, he thought back to the heroic, hurdle jumping mothers he'd seen on television. Maybe his mother wouldn't do that for him, but he knew someone who would.

He pushed himself off the couch, his body not hurting anymore. "Hey, Sharon. Can we have burgers for dinner?"

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 **This story, if it isn't that great or is maybe even a little melodramatic, I apologize.**

 **I fell in love with Major Crimes because of the relationship between Sharon and Rusty. I relate a lot to the situation Rusty has with his mother because of many personal aspects of my own life, which made this particular story one I've been struggling to write since I caught up on the show.**

 **I hope I did these beautiful characters and their relationship justice.**


End file.
